How many of you are sick and tired of the uneducated, band wagon hopping, sports fan? I detest them so much I would like to smash a beer bottle over their head and slash their throat. Then go out for a nice calzone.
I guess the days of being loyal to one team are over. With the internet and NFL Sunday Ticket, it's easy to be out of state and follow your "favorite" team. Unfortunately, nobody seems to follow the local teams where I live. And the ones I've come across are fair weather fans. I've never really cared who was a fan of what team, all I cared about is that you stick with that team. For example, where I live I have seen fans for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Jacksonville Jaguars (soon to be Los Angeles' problem) and the Miami Dolphins. Depending on how any one of these three teams finishes, you will only see one of them being supported come playoff time. If they even make the playoffs.
However, this is not likely this season. But the majority of these assholes carry shirts for all three teams in their closet. Conveniently putting on the front running team's shirt and boasting about how they ruuuuulllllllleeeeee! They even go as far as putting those flags on their cars like they are a fucking diplomat. Fuck off! Ever heard of Ricky Bell? Bucs fans? How about Donald Igwebuike? No? Hey Jags fans....who fucking cares…there hasn't been a Jags fan around here since 1999. Oh and Dolphin fans, there have been a lot of other players besides Dan Marino, none quite as good, but others. In other words, learn about your damn team! Besides jerking off to porn and buying useless shit on the internet you can actually learn some shit. Hmmm some Spankwire sounds good about now.....
I'm going through the 32 teams in my head and trying to recall if I have met a "real" fan from each of those franchises. One that I was particularly curious of was Arizona Cardinal Fans. Ever seen one? It's like spotting Big Foot. I was at one of the local theme parks the night before the Super Bowl 43. Steeler nation was in full effect. But for every 17 Steeler fans (which I was very suspect of. Can you say band wagon?) I would see there would be one unicorn, AKA an Arizona Cardinal fan. Holy Shit, they really exist! I thought the next thing I would see would be Nessy, the tooth fairy and Santa. Fuck taking pictures with the characters! Take one with one of these Cardinal fans! When will you ever see all 10 of these Cardinal fans mass together like this again? When does Haley's Comet come back?
But being a fan of the Dolphins, I have encountered a lot of shit from Jets fans. Jets fans have always been loud, obnoxious and overly confident. They are as loyal as the team’s record. They will root for the Giants once their season went in the toilet. Bills fans were pretty obnoxious too in the early 90's. Funny how the media always portrayed them as so loyal. However, I do recall the fans dressed as snow when Buffalo really sucked during the Fred Smerlis, Joe Ferguson and Joe Cribbs days.
Dolphin’s fans are not totally free of blame either. Miami can be very Los Angeles like in their support. It's a see and be seen town. If they are on Monday night the fans come out of the wood work. Sporting their overly laundered Irving Fryar jersey from 1994. And still hoping Marino comes back for one more season. Wake up and smell the Nutra System! He retired! Stop bringing him up and the fucking 72 team for that matter. Move on! Yeah there hasn't been much to cheer about in 15 or so years but damn it get some new shit would ya!!!???
And now I focus my attention on the new budding annoyances of football. Patriots fans. I was actually happy for the Pats when they beat the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI. I was sick of hearing the media sucking the Rams' dicks about how unstoppable they were, and whether or not they cheated (what team doesn't steal signals, so all of you get over that too). You have to admit the Pats smacked the shit out of them. Look, the New England Patriots were a shitty franchise for the longest time. Their prior two Super Bowl appearances were disasters. I understood the euphoria with the first win. I was even congratulating these "fans" that I met. But don't forget Pat fans, if it wasn't for Drew Bledsoe almost losing a lung this dynasty might not ever of happened.
Most Pat fans I have met only know the recent history of the franchise. Ask one who is John Smith? Or John Hannah? No, he's not related to Miley Cyrus. Out of a hundred or so "Patriot fans" I have met only two really stand out in my mind as being legit fans. They were respectable and not big whiners like most Boston fans I have met. Sure they would gripe like any of us if their team lost. But they were never, the sky is falling, like the rest of you wanna bees I have met.
The problem I see with the modern day Boston fan is they let the success of the three Super Bowls, two World Series and one NBA Championship fuck with them bad. Oh, and Ray Bourque getting a Stanley Cup with Colorado. I understand the frustration of these fans, there were some long droughts. But let's be honest Boston, the Pats were an afterthought. Nobody gave a fuck about that franchise. The Red Sox and the Celtics are more your passion, which had been dominated for years by other teams. But most notably teams from the city of New York! The Yankees in particular. "New York is full of assholes. They are the evil empire. They are fucks!" Hmmmm. Seems like everybody calls your football team that now. To me, Pat fans are wanna be New Yorkers. They want to be as successful as a franchise like the Yankees, yet they can't handle the pressure like a New York fan. As soon as shit goes wrong for Boston fan the whining and crying start and how everybody is conspiring against them.
Basicly what I'm saying is not everybody is going to like your team. Some might down right loathe them. But have some fucking backbone and stick by them. I might say a lot of shit about my own team but no way in hell would I drop them and go to where the grass maybe greener. I will never become like one of these pathetic little weasels of a bandwagon fan I so vehemently disgust! I wish that all bandwagon fans get some sort of VD!
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