Well well well, So I went into semi seclusion in Northern Quebec after my last post. I ran into a bit of writer's erectile dysfunction. Compounded by the stench of how the Miami Dolphins finished, I just had nothing clever to say. Not that I am promising any wisdom in this latest outing. I at least have the sleepy eye of the tiger to motivate myself to write something.
I say this every year but I am more relieved than saddened by the ending of the NFL season. For as much as I love football, I love it when it's over...sometimes. Probably because I have not had a true post season experience. We all have our playoff mistress we support. And sometimes you get a girlfriend experience (Google it) with these teams you back in the playoffs. But it's not the same. As a buddy of mine said, "Winning the Super Bowl is like shooting ropes (Google that too)!"
It has been 37 years since Dolphin fans have been able to shoot off a rope. 26 since we've at least gotten hard. And from the looks of the beginnings of this off season, it looks like it will be even longer before we get some Viagra. I've taken a lot of shit from other Dolphins fans over my views of how limp this franchise has become. I've been labeled a turncoat, traitor, bandwagon jumper, not a true fan, etc. Correct me if I am wrong but if being brutally honest and showing you that the man behind the Aqua curtain is full of shit, than I guess I am guilty as charged. However not once have I stopped being a fan of these bozos.
Everyone is entitled to have an opinion. They are like vaginal warts. Everybody truck stop whore has them. And you cannot tell me you are always so fucking positive with everything these fucking guys do. Does criticizing the team you follow make you a traitor? Really? So all those people who bitch about taxes and the government make them traitors as well? And please, spare me it's not the same thing. Because it is. You guys that are so glazed over by staying positive and only saying good things about a product that even to blind people looks like shit are the fucking idiots. Let me make this perfectly clear. In all likelihood I will never see a winner (fuck you and shut the fuck up it's my God damn opinion!) However I will never stop being a Dolphins fan. We all have different ways of showing support. And in order for me to continue to support this shit I need to vent. It's been a long 37 years since I shot off a rope! That is some load that is over due. As Bill Hicks said "I've got backed up semen that's going to make my head explode. Next time I cum, it's going to be like a wax dart shooting out of my dick!" And if you don't know who Bill Hicks is, SHAME ON YOU!
What else has gone on with the bass akwards franchise since the season ended. Oh how could I forget, the botched attempt to get Jim Harbaugh as coach. Only the Dolphins could fuck this up this way. The only reason they wanted this guy is because his brother coaches the Ravens and they get into the playoffs it seems like every year. The Ravens were already a good team when he inherited them. So by Dolphins management's thinking they believe if the guy has the same last name he will be just as successful. WRONG!!! It seems to me the management of the Phins has turned into the Washington Redskins. Ross likes to go after the shiniest new toy because everybody else wants it. Just like Daniel Snyder. See Albert Haynesworth. Ross figures it's a big name who has won, and since most Dolphin fans are morons they will have their faith restored because they hired an unproven coach with a big name who turned Stanford into a winner.
Now if I am Sporano, I am mailing in this season. If there is a season. These guys did everything but double anal to get Harbaugh. And since the double anal only turned into Ireland and Ross crossing their dicks, they give Sporano a contract extension to smooth things over. And it's not like they were covert about it. And you have to love hearing from a credible source like Carl Peterson (who is waiting in the wings to really fuck this franchise up even more) to say they never had any intentions of hiring Harbaugh. BULLSHIT! Tony, fuck em! Mail it in. They (the franchise) are waiting for something bigger and better to come along for a coach. I would do a Spurrier, Come in a 9 be gone by noon. CTC! Cash that check bitch!
And speaking of shiny objects how many of you morons I criticize all want Vince Young? You're not serious right? Unless Miami can get him for $15.00 and a used massage table, he is not worth it. I can hear you right now "Oh you want Henne?" Actually yes I do. Compared to the other shit that is out there. How does bringing in a malcontent who barely knew his own teams offense going to be an upgrade at qb? He's a one hit wonder. He had his 15 minutes in the Rose Bowl. If the fans so much as boo him he goes into the fetal position, sucks his thumb and doesn't want to play any more. Last time I checked there wasn't a whole lot to cheer with this franchise! And why was this guy not disciplined for smacking the shit out of a hooker errr um exotic dancer in Dallas?
Henne made some bad throws and did have a horrible season in 2010. I agree and you cannot ignore that. However how many times did he wind up on his ass because nobody blocked? How man bad passes were made because he was under pressure because of poor offensive line play? How effective was the running game to take the pressure off of Henne? What is the common thread in all this. THE LINE! Again I know the line didn't make those passes. Henne did, but when your running game and pass blocking are non existent your qb is going to look like shit. Brady would look like a skid marked toilet bowl if he had to play behind that line.
Players are not given the luxury of time to develop. There was a quarterback some of you may have heard of. He played for the Pittsburgh Steelers in the 1970's. His name is Terry Bradshaw. That's right the 4 time winning Super Bowl quarterback. He also won 2 Super Bowl MVP's and is in the Hall of Fame. Now what does he have in common with lowly Chad Henne you may ask? Well bedside having a dick and balls both qb's were loathed by their "fans." And deservedly so in the beginning stages of their careers. Bradshaw was ridiculed unmercifully by the Steeler faithful. They felt he was incapable of playing the position. I believe they called him stupid. Bradshaw was benched a few times early on as well. But with a little time and a front office that concentrated on football, and not making Three Rivers Stadium into an east coast Los Angeles hot spot, they became an NFL dynasty.
Now am I saying Chad Henne is the next Terry Bradshaw? Shit no! But if he is given a little more time, a little more fucking patience from you people and maybe some protection he could turn into a decent quarterback. He's only been a full time starter for a season and a half! And spare me what about Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan comparisons. Yes the Dolphins could of drafted either one of those guys. Yes they had success early on in their careers. However do you think they would of survived with this porous line? Fuck no! And look at the teams who drafted them. Teams with a pretty good amount of talent on them. Not bare Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard!
But none of this will really matter. More than likely this game of chicken the league is playing is going to blow up like a nice shit pie suprise in their faces. I hope you enjoyed the Super Bowl folks. It might be the last one for a while. To quote the late great Dandy Don Meridith for Willie Nelson, "TURN OUT THE LIGHTS...THE PARTY'S OVER...they say that all good things must end...."
