Move On!

Well here we are at Week 3 already. And it’s Jets week. There is a little more intensity with Jet week this season. The Dolphins are actually 2 and 0! And this is not on a Playstation! Not only are they 2 and 0 but the fate of 1st place hangs in the balance. And if you’d like to cram some more shit into that, one of the defensive players for the Jets is the former face of Miami’s defense. Jason Taylor.

Alright stop with the booing, hissing and throwing cups of hot urine! Cut this dude some slack! Yes I do not like seeing him play for the Jets. Yes I wish he could have finished his career as a Dolphin. Yes I wish I had a cock that hung to my mid thigh! But guess what? They are all wishes! The bottom line is this is not the NFL of the 70’s and 80’s where guys could finish their careers with the team that drafted him. I’m not saying it doesn’t still happen, but it’s very rare. About as rare as finding a woman in porn with a big bush!

Jason Taylor was is and always will be a Miami Dolphin. No matter what uniform he had on. Joe Namath finished as a Ram. Joe Montana finished as a Chief. Franco Harris finished as a Seahawk. Johnny Unitas as a Charger and OJ for the Mean Machine. Regardless of where they finished we all know where they started. Well except for people who collect throwback jerseys. During this whole off season did you ever hear JT say anything disparaging about the Dolphins organization or its fans? It’s not like he did a Favre and made us hang on his every moment. I mean what did he do besides go and sign with the Jets? What’s the big fucking deal about that? Let’s say your job was treating you like shit. HR thinks of you as a total pariah. And let’s say your company’s biggest competitor starts talking to you and offers you everything your current job won’t offer you. Why would you have any loyalty to an employer who’s blowing you off?

But like I was saying it’s not like Jason made the Dolphins wait on him. If you’re going to be pissed at anybody be pissed at the organization on how they handled him! And even the organization you can’t be too pissed with. Don’t hate the playa folks, hate the game! And the name of the game is bigger stronger, faster and most importantly YOUNGER! Would you rather Miami spend the money on paying him for nostalgia or use that money to get bigger, stronger, and faster for the future? How quickly you ignorant fucks forget the Dave Wannstedt days when the future was constantly mortgaged!

Trust me Jason lived and died with the folks in this town when it came to winning and losing. And I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision to go play for the hated Jets. And he knew the shit he was going to take from you fucking morons! But at the end of the day the dude has bills and he needed a job. And unfortunately those scumbags were the only ones hiring. How quickly you forget the years of hard play he did for Dolphin teams that had no business being out on that field. Hang onto those 99 jerseys. You’ll need them again when he retires and his name goes up in the stadium. Then you fuckers can swallow that nice shit sandwich you made yourselves.

Merry Christmas Damnit!!!!

Four days and counting! Well unless you think that Thursday night Viking/Saints game counts. But the real kickoff to the 2010 NFL season to me starts on September 12th. That Thursday night “kickoff” game to me is a bunch of horse shit. It’s like opening your presents before Christmas. What fun is Christmas if you have nothing to open? Remember when you were a kid? You couldn’t sleep the night before. All excited about ripping into some gifts. You wake up at the ass crack of dawn. IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY! HOLY SHIT! Well maybe not all 8 year olds said that. But I was rather advanced with my profanity skills as a child. None the less you run down stairs only to slam on the breaks because you couldn’t wait and blew your load days before opening your shit.
That is what this NFL Thursday night bullshit means to me. The product sells it self. I really don't give a fuck about Dave Matthews and some alien looking teeny bopper singing about sitting in the God damn bleachers! Is this what it's come down to. A dog and pony show to get viewers!?!?!
And of course it has to be fucking Favre. I’m not sure who disgusts me more. Favre or the media. The media or Favre. That is the question. I’ve been meaning to blog about this before but my God given ability for procrastination had kicked in. I love how the media acts annoyed by his indecisiveness. But let’s face it. These mother fuckers love it as much as Sasha Grey doing a five man gangbang. Who the fuck do you think you’re kidding media with your eye rolling and phony bologna “is this the last season we have to talk about this” bullshit empathy for those of us that would rather puke blood then hear more Favre watch!
It’s a rerun with this guy every season. Why speculate and why give him the attention? I can totally understand the guy not wanting to give up playing. If I was in his situation I'd be hanging on to it for dear life. But sensational journalism is the name of the game it’s a perfect marriage. Hopefully this is the last season of this horseshit. But don’t worry. For those of you having withdrawals next season for this I’m sure the media will make some sort of comment about “Hey it’s the first pre season with out a Favre watch.” Oh shut the fuck up! Go fuck yourself with a pair of Wrangler jeans!
Since I have the NFL Network I’ve watched a lot of pre season action. And I have to say the broadcasters are painfully boring to listen to. It’s like a steady rotation of holy shit that guy is still alive to why the fuck is this guy calling the game!?!?! Case in point, I was watching the Cowboys/Dolphins game last night on the internet. Don’t get me started on that. Fucking iron curtain of football viewing area I live in only shows the Phins live if they play the Jaguars or Buccaneers. I’ll save that rant for another time. But one of the broadcasters was Babe Laufenberg. WHO!?!?! As my buddy the Reverend asked. I guess Audrey Bruce wasn’t available. Actually the really great part about pre season is the unintentional sexual innuendos broadcasters make. Here are a few examples.
During the Bengals/Eagles pre season game Tony Siragusa said “Yeah Carson’s balls seem to be a little elevated tonight.” Well is that so!?!?! Or Nat Moore's comment during a Dolphins/Jaguars preseason game; “You got three guys coming together. That’s illegal.” Since when? I watch porn and I have seen three guys coming lot’s of times. Usually in Sasha Grey movies. I am ashamed we are still prejudiced about how many guys come! And finally Dolphins great Bob Griese said this during the Dolphins/Falcons broadcast “Yeah one time I took a big sack.” So that's how he got to start Super Bowl VII over Earl Morral. Just think those were only the preseason games! I can’t wait to hear the rest of the innuendos you can find during an NFL game. Too bad Bryan Cox and Marion Butts are retired!