I'm still in a bit of a haze from the bed shitting the Miami Dolphins did this past Monday night. I haven't been furious like that over a game in a long time. I know they are 2 and 2 and it's only a month into the season. But do you honestly think they can crawl out of this ditch they have dug for themselves? Besides the Dolphins of the early 70's when have you seen this franchise really come through? They basicly have to win their remaining 12 games. News flash folks. We're the 2010 Miami Dolphins. Not the 07 Patriots or the 72 Dolphins. No way in hell it's happening.
But 2010 seemed like it was going to be different. The Dolphins actually went out after some big time free agents. Not like the past where they would get a big name who was on his last legs. Nothing more than a wing and a prayer to hopefully put butts in the seats.They brough in some coaches with clout. A quarterback who shows promise (calm down assholes he's only played 17 games!) But no matter how much things have changed in the Miami Dolphins it always remains the same.
I've been in an abusive relationship with these motherfuckers since I was 10 years old. Times were good then. The Dolphins were courting me. They brought me flowers and said all the right things. They wooed me. They used to put the Jets, Patriots, Colts and Bills (Original AFC East kids) in their place when they would insult me. They even went as far as defending my honor to the Jets in the 82 AFC Championship Game. Only to break my heart the first time on January 30,1983.Super Bowl XVII (17).
But like most abused spouses I believed their bullshit. The Dolphins got romantic with me and tried once again to rekindle our relationship. They drafted one of the greatest qb's of all time. Dan Marino. Once again I am swept off my feet by this franchise. Only to have to clean the shit from the bed when the 49ers dry fucked my ass in Super Bowl XIX (19 for you Roman numeral challenged). And since then it has been nothing but empty promises from you fucking bastards.
All through the 80's and 90's you would get so close only to fuck it all up in the end. Every time there is a fucking opportunity for you to shine you shit the bed instead. You whoop the juggernaut 85 Bears. But choke to a wild card Patriot team in the AFC Championship game in January of 86. (My last time seeing a game in the Orange Bowl). Then in the late 80' to early 90's you do what you are famous for. Being mediocre at best! Lots of .500 or just below seasons. Then in the early 90's you show some fight only to get beat by a division rival you used to push around. The Buffalo Bills. So what do you do Miami Dolphins? You just lay down and spread your legs like a fucking whore and take having a train run on you by the Bills!
But again and again I forgive you and still support your fucking worthless ass. Only to be let down season after season. Why do I stay with you? Why do I keep thinking this could be the year. Only to have to watch franchises that have never even had a whiff of the post in season in their history make it and win the fucking Super Bowl! It's been 37 seasons and counting since you brought Tiffany (unofficial name of the Lombardi trophy)home! The trophy has been here, but plenty of other teams have gone home with it. I bet the remaining franchises who have never been to a Super Bowl will win one before the Dolphins!
Year after year in the 2000's it was all about mortgaging the future to win it all. Only to leave the cupboard bare for the future. But even after coaching changes, personal changes and even new ownership you still continue to disappoint. All you do is shit the bed season after season. How is it the New Orleans Saints who lost about everything 5 years ago make it to two NFC title games and a fucking Super Bowl win!?!? And what the fuck do you guys have to show for it? Oh yeah you hosted them! You made a fucking South Beach club out of the end zone. Well I guess you do need some sort of distraction from all the bed shitting. And you parade around countless celebrities on a fucking orange carpet. And play these corny fight songs. Hey nobody gives a fuck assholes! I don't recall the Steelers,Colts, Ravens or fucking Patriots for that matter doing these dog and pony show gimmicks to win fans. They just win! You ought to change the logo and name of the franchise. Call us the Miami Blue Balls. Get rid of the Dolphin and just put a swollen pair of balls on the side of the helmet. You guys are nothing more than a fucking cocktease!
I've had enough of this fucking bullshit Miami Dolphins. I'm tired of being the abused housewife. I'm about to call Hoarders and Intervention for you. You need some clinical fucking help! How going 1 and 15 has not shaken the foundations of this franchise to its core is beyond me. The problem is we are fucking lemmings that blindly follow you. We blindly follow your bullshit day and night. Hoping and praying that this year will be our year! Well guess what? Dream On! It's never going to happen Dolphin fans. We will never ever see this franchise do a God damn thing but make us penniless and insane!
Wake the fuck up Miami Dolphins! You will never be relevant in the NFL. All you will ever be is brought up when some team goes undefeated. Or if somebody tries a fake spike play. Or whenever a team totally collapses on Monday night it will be compared to 2 of the biggest fuck ups in Monday Night Football history! Isn't that something to be proud of for generations to come!?!? All we are is a punch line! But none the less Miami Dolphins you are who I thought you were. ALL FUCKING TALK!
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