Dear Directv,
Thank you for year after year of having me over the barrel. I enjoyed the forced entry and lack of pillow talk. You had me at free NFL Sunday ticket and premium channels for four months. It was such a whirlwind romance. You looked so sexy in your white box. Now I'm sad to say the fire had gone cold.
You have the balls to charge me for HD channels, DVR service and additional receivers. On top of all the extra fees I have to pay you, I have to give up a testicle or vital organ of your choice every summer because you've have the exclusive rights to ALL NFL games. And like a crack addicted whore I am willing to suck your cock for that fix!
I don't mind giving you some head for my fix. However after all the money and blow jobs I have given you, you can't show all eight of the one o'clock games on the game mix channel? Do you know the loads of bitter tasting seamen I have swallowed for you to watch these games? The overgrowth of pubes I have spit out afterwards? You selfish cheap bastards!!!! You should be ashamed!
Last week there were seven 1PM games. Instead of showing the seven 1 PM games you chose to only air five 1 PM games. Now I wasn't the best at math but you had 3 more screens left to use on your game mix channel if it can show eight games at once. Of the remaining three screens on one you had the Red Zone channel broadcasting. For those of you keeping score that leaves two boxes. Instead of broadcasting games you elected to show me the fucking logos for the upcoming KC/Denver and NY Giants/Dallas games at four!
Who gives a shit, who gives fuck about that!?!? Me and x amount of other assholes who have blown through their kids college funds to watch this shit week in and week out expect some satisfaction. I have paid for the right to watch EVERY fucking game. No matter how shitty you may think Detroit @ Buffalo or Carolina @ Tampa Bay is, I want to see that over watching a still image of an arrowhead and the head Jack Woltz wakes up next to in The Godfather.
My mom always told me,"Why bother to wipe your ass! You're only going to shit again!" Well she did tell me that but she also said you attract more flies with sugar than vinegar. So pretty please with sugar on top put eight fucking games on the game mix instead of team logos. I'm well aware who's playing at four. And if I want to see two of the lowest rated football games of the week it's my God given right. So fuck you and the dish you rode in on! Oh and please don't cut me off. I really want to watch the colossal match up between the Browns and Jags and 49ers and Buccaneers!
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